I am not entirely sure what happened or even how to apologize, but I lost my shiz at work this morning and not just at my boss- oh, no- no I have a hissy fit in front of my young client and her mother.
Controlling my emotions has never been my strong point. Truthfully most everything my mother ever told me about myself has come round to haunt me (and when my bangs fall just right I'll even sing to myself, "There was a little girl, who had a little curl...") I don't handle change well, not unless I have my quiet time to take a breath and put it in its place, and I thrive best with routine. So when my schedule was changed on me last minute twice last week and I arrive at my regularly set appointment at 6:15 this morning to find another nurse's car in the driveway despite a quick check of my monthly roster affirming today as mine, and upon entering learn she alone was told by our schedulers over the weekend that I was to be somewhere else today and might she be able to cover? ... well I sort went into hissy fit mode and might have mouthed an F-bomb. Twice. Really, really uncool.
Dealing poorly with change, indeed! I felt badly for the other nurse having driven out, even if it was her snafu, and I felt badly for the other scheduler we had to call who hadn't any record of the swithceroo, and I felt badly for the family being caught up in it and for the bus driver possibly needing to wait about, and for myself at the injustice of having my schedule being altered behind my back! Argh!
And that is something I struggle constantly to handle- my hatred of having my set schedule changed and my guilt over hating it so.
What's a girl to do? Because dropping F-bombs in front of clients is absolutely not the way to go!